MomoのKokoro

I was walking down the long flight of stone steps today. The weather was beautiful. Snow still covered some of the ground, but grass, pink and yellow flowers were peeking out too. There were the sounds of birds chirping in the distance. People around me seemed very happy with the warm(er) temperatures. It is spring, this weather. But why do I feel like it is still winter? I am an observer of everything, the person who sees, who witnesses all the suffering, the foolishness but who cannot change anything. People act of their own free will, and their actions often bring them suffering. It is all a phenomenon of dukkha, is it not? This world makes me so angry and sad sometimes.

As children, it seemed harmless, or I simply perhaps felt more protected in the simplicity of ignorance. But as time goes by, I see people, see my self, repeating mistakes, doing self-destructive things, and hurting all the while inside. There is a side of you which functions for daily life, which brandishes the smiles and humor that people expect from you, but what kind of facade it is? What happens when that facade cannot be maintained, when your weary soul has decided to give up. For it sickens the mind and body, to act in a way that does not echo what we really are. Some people do it well, but then again their true selves have ceased to exist. They have drowned and they do not know it.

There are many ghosts around me, and sadly, I don't know who they are.

Posted in: Thoughts on Tuesday, March 20, 2007 at